Time to think about finances.

Hi gang,

It keeps snowing but today it is sunny for the first time since we arrived back in New England. The holidays were better than expected. We are taking care of appointments and maintenance of teeth, mind, body, and automobiles.
I am going to be researching methods of actually earning some income, but it will probably have to be a portable job of some kind because Beth has decided after two weeks of grayness that there is really no need to be in the North for winters anymore.

One of the areas of income enhancement that I am thinking of is the wide world of Ant Lions. The area of Florida we were in last month has a bumper crop of ant lions in the sand all along the dirt roads that we were walking on. When I was doing some research on the little beasts I happened upon a company that buys and sell ant lions.

They sell them as part of an executive sandbox system. You know those little boxes of sand that they sell with rakes and a couple of stones so that you can poke around as a way to relax (and/or get fired) while at the office? They sell them in ALL of the gift magazines, airline safety exit and buy this on your way out magazines, and Brookstone. Well, I never happened to buy one because with the energy level that I have been living with for the last two years, if I was any more relaxed at my desk I would have been officially comatose, and also with the way my desk was meticulously organized a stray cat could have used it as a kitty box and it would have taken me months to track down the smell.

Well anyhow, SOMEBODY buys those things. Well there is one company that adds a little blood and guts to the whole peaceful meditation process. They sell an executive sandbox with ant lions in it so that you can watch little creatures struggle for their life before being eaten. It makes you feel mellow AND powerful. See AntLionDen.com.

Well they need sources for ant lions. Now you may be thinking "I didn't know that I could be raising Ant Lions for fun and profit" as I probably was thinking (but I honestly don't remember). You can. Because they sell the ant lions at the reasonable price of 3 for $10, they must be slamming these things out to happy customers as fast as... well as fast as customers find out that they can buy ant lions for their executive desk.

The AntLionDen actually recruits little kids to collect ant lions for them with their "Ant Lion Wrangler" kit and then pays them Twenty Cents for each one! Now a little kid can collect enough ant lions in an hour to earn FIVE BUCKS! And then they wait. When they have sold enough Pit-O-Deaths to powerful executives they replenish their stocks by sending postcards to the "wranglers" asking them to send more and then just wait for them to arrive.

.

To review: Twenty Cents EACH. Now to most people this would not seem like much, but you haven't been walking on the back roads that Beth and I have been on. There are THOUSANDS of these little things just waiting to be processed, sold into captivity, and perform tricks for food for the rest (of this stage) of their life. You may be thinking "It sure sounds like a goldmine Warren but what about all of those 'wranglers' out there in the system already?" I appreciate your concern, but I have thought about this and have an answer: screw them. they are just little kids, they can't possibly compete against ME! Instead of using the little slotted spoon that comes with the wrangler kit I will modify a portable Dysan vacuum cleaner to sort out the ant lions from the shells and stones and I then I will attach THAT system to a motorized vehicle or a Segway and I will have an Ant-Lion-Combine.

This system will collect so many ant-lions that I will blow this whole market wide open.

The market will be flooded and the prices will collapse and I will have a warehouse full of hungry ant lions that have been devalued to 1.64 cents each. The trick is to boost the market demand so that my Ant-Lion-Combine can make me rich.

DeBeers
DeBeers has a long history of buying a relatively common mineral and warehousing it to keep market prices high. They had created the whole concept of "engagement rings" in a brilliant ad campaign in 1939 as a way to market a colorless stone. They now push diamonds around using shovel loaders in more and more dark warehouses while "releasing" very small quantities to the public at inflated prices that are "what the market will bear". I created a marketing plan that redefines the Ant-Lion as a "living tribute to the ferociousness of my love" for the engagement market. If that didn't work then there might be interest in going for the relatively untapped Father market. I designed a little cage on a long necklace that holds an ant lion's torso leaving the pincers "free". I also designed a companion piece that could be described as a "ant-collar". It is unobtrusive and rather good looking. It is easy to attach to your daughters boyfriend before they go out on a date and is easy to inspect at the end of the evening to see if the ants are all there. Let's just call it a pre-pre-engagement piece of jewelry. Alas, the accountants at DeBeers determined that it is cheaper to store thousands of tons of uncut diamonds in 470 giant warehouses than to try to FEED the monthly output of my Ant-Lion-Combine. They politely declined.


Purdue.
My contact at Purdue has informed me that he is out on disability after an industrial accident. It seems that they loved my idea of using ant lions as a fast growing source of protein that feeds exclusively on garden pests, thus leaving a "very small carbon footprint", but Purdue immediately experimented with growing an oven stuffer version of an ant lion and it tore the arms off of six employees before they could trick it into visiting the "Turkey Hot Dog packing department". Which of course is how most genetic monsters are "re-purposed" in accordance with the "Moratorium against public monster and army humiliation treaty signed at the Tokyo summit of 1976". I think with the proper socialization and careful psychological programs, the Purdue six pound ant lion that they created would have been a wonderful domesticated food source and home extermination device.

So maybe we are back to the executive Pit-O-Death Zen Garden toys. I don't know if there is a big enough market for those.... unless..... ALL of you folks reading this, immediately buy multiple sets of this very relaxing executive toy. But of course, I am not in this business yet. I am just tossing around ideas here.

There is also the secondary market that is linked to this whole executive toy thing.
The food. They can also buy food for their executive ant lion zen-pit-o-death. That is another whole market. These executives (or presumably, their secretaries) buy food so that they can feed these hungry little monsters. Unless they are upper-upper-top-management, in which case they probably would outsource to an office Zen-Ant-Lion maintenance company. Boy those guys sure have a racket, everybody knows how easy it is to maintain ant lions.

But anyhow, back to the food...
Somebody actually raises wingless-fruit-flies to make it easy for genetics scientists that don't like to be bothered using those butterfly nets every time they have to study the nether-regions of another generation of fruit fly. What would Darwin think of us creating paraplegic fruit flies? Well these very same paraplegic fruit flies make terrific ant lion food for the desk because they can't run away. They just sort of tumble down into the pit in their little fruit fly wheelchairs and stare back up at you as you wait for the fun to begin.

So maybe after the ant lion market blossoms I will buy into the defective fruit fly market and then I will go back to Purdue with this brand new idea that I just got...

Wishing you a Prosperous New Year.

-------------------------------------------------
chemo sabe said...
I can see where you'd be getting antsy at this juncture, but REALLY!!!!
Hope you guys have a happy new year!!! This blog has been a lifesaver!!!
love chemo sabe January 3, 2008 11:47 AM
-------------------------------------------------
matt said...
thank you
January 16, 2008 4:16 AM
------------------------------------------------

An odd little dialog

hello. I have been very busy with computer-weenie stuff (reloading my hard drives), so I don't have anything new for the blog, but I have gotten feedback from two people that the spider WAS a bold jumper.
Now when I am reloading and repartitioning the hard drives on my Windows computer there is a LOT of downtime while I wait for slow install programs and many reboots, so I had some extra time on my hands while I was tied to the computer. I have my trusty old-technology Toshiba laptop from 2002 that now runs Ubuntu because windows slowed it down too much. It seems to just run great without torturing me in the usual Microsoft way, and Beth doesn't notice the difference. It's great for people that JUST do the internet, use Office, and not much else. I'm a convert.
Anyhow. I had a lot of time that I was forced to sit there just waiting for XP, so I wrote.
Beth thinks that the little story that popped out is weird. Yep. I formatted it tonight and it morphed into a form that wouldn't work on this blog so I stashed it elsewhere. It's off topic and not related to the Adventure, but it's there for you folks that want to be assured that I am still trying to be productive.
You can see the story here: Welcome to Shrinkotopia
Just humor me, ok?

*****************************************
Tom said...

time to take your medicine...

November 8, 2007 2:39 PM

A product that I...

A product that I thought was interesting. I swear this is not an example of a paid product placement. This just happens to be a product that should receive as much exposure as possible. Do we have any readers who would like to share their experiences with this fine product?
Really, I am not a paid spokesman. I am an unpaid endorser.
(available at your local Northern Tool retail outlet)

Avoiding the weather, (roadside attraction)

So we were zooming across Iowa to avoid the nutty weather.

On Badger Avenue the speed limit is 65mph.

Now I suddenly stopped at 160th Street so that I could go back for the photo op.
Beth didn't want me to do it. The weather is coming, we've got to keep going.
I tried the puppy dog look. Nothing.
I tried the extra-long face. Nothing.
I tried begging. She said that I was whining.
I mustered my deepest manly voice and pronounced that we were going back.
I took the opportunity to head back while she was still laughing.
.
I had to get this shot for the guys.
.
We have always wondered what to do with these things.
.
.
Well here you go, crafts for men!
.
.

.
Oil tanks for the people.
.
.
Oooooooh Look!
.
Theres a donkey in the garden!
.

.
This could be a family activity.
One person does the welding, another collects the accessories, some others can paint, one person to handle the permits or to argue with the homeowners association....

The Sneaker Tree

Screaming through the high desert in Oregon we found a sneaker tree

(probably the first one in full-bloom that we had ever seen)

The Sneaker Tree

The Sneaker Tree: Set

The Sneaker Tree: Slide Show

A nice little place in our price range.

Its the covered deck that really pulls the whole thing together

A very rare photo opportunity

This was a treat!
I was able to snap this photo of a Yak emerging from his Yakburrow. Most people are unaware that we have many Yaks in this country but they spend most of the daylight hours underground. They only emerge for water, mating, and to do their daily exercise routines. I happened to have my camera ready just as this handsome fellow was climbing out of his Yakburrow.

Google has done it AGAIN!

This is JUST the most amazing thing ever.

Check this out, I'll wait until you get back.


Google has finally brought everything full circle. The circle of life of the internet has been linked together forever (or at least until tomorrow).

The have just announced Gmail Paper. If there is ANY email that you want to be printed and delivered they will do it for FREE. It was just in time because I was having SERIOUS problems getting emails to two people in a car club that I belong to.
So I sent a test package to me. It's Sunday morning, 4am the first day of April and I send a copy of the club's insurance policy to myself (remember this is a test).
Now remember this program is still in Beta so they are really trying hard, but I am living way out in the country here. At 9:10 this morning a Ryder truck pulled up to my house and a guy delivers a box with Google stickers on it and there it was, just like I wanted. Amazing! The advertisements are on the BACK of each page, they are red and written in 36 pt Helvetica, but no big deal. Good quality paper, they say that photos will be printed on GLOSSY paper. The soybean sputum paper they use is slightly greasy feeling if you microwave it, but as long as you try not to microwave your paperwork you should be OK. It's FREE! UNLIMITED quantities. This is PERFECT for Beth and I when we head off on our Adventure (destination unknown). I can have postcards and handwritten notes drop-shipped to all of those non computer types that can't read this blog. Google is so cool!

Check out this link: http://mail.google.com/mail/help/paper/more.html
Thanks, more info tomorrow.
Warren

******************************************
Anonymous said...
Boy, this is PERFECT for Ron B. of Alabama. I thought of him IMEDIATELY once I figured out the importance of this. This is a day that will be remembered for...
April 1, 2007 10:26 AM