Monday, January 28, 2008

Chemistry minus-101

I saw something the other day that was so amazing.

It was a person that either had discovered a loophole in the laws of chemistry or was an incredibly stupid person.

I was in a drugstore buying some useless item. The person in the checkout line in front of me was a larger sized boxy woman with a VFW voice2. She had an armload of trinkets and when it was her turn she dumped her load and proceeded to order four packs each of two different types of cigarettes. She paid and left the store.

I checked out and walked to my car. I was sitting in my car writing down an idea that had popped up when the lady with the VFW voice waddled up and heaved herself up into the pickup truck next to me.

This was the same pickup truck that I had noticed during my slow stroll to my car (my stroll was obviously much faster than Miss VFW). I had noticed the truck because the tired looking driver was sitting there with one of those oxygen tubes strung across his face.

I don't know why, but the couple did not drive away. I was in the middle of trying to grasp the concept of going to buy cigarettes by getting a ride from a person on oxygen.

My intense pondering was interrupted by an act that amazed me. The VFW gal lit up a cigarette. She was actually smoking in the closed cab of a truck where oxygen was being used!

Note: Oxygen mixed with a match creates an annoying ball of fire, and if that ball of fire is enclosed in a finite space (like the cab of a pickup truck), the ball of fire can be accompanied by large shards of metal, glass, and people parts.

I drove away as fast as I could. I did take a quick look through the smoke filled cab to confirm that the tired looking man was still wearing his nose-hose, he was, but the inside of the truck looked like a bong.

I am confused about what I saw...

...on so many levels.

Note 2: VFW Voice: The easily recognizable sound emanating from a person that has been smoking 'a little' since the age of fourteen, usually consumed simultaneously with beer or coffee. Cause: Beer and coffee seem to act as a catalyst that reacts with the smoke to modify vocal cords from their natural flexible condition into extra crispy with an efficacy rate of more than 98%.

Symptoms: When you hear a 35 year old gal with the interesting voice of Lead Belly, Rod Stewart, or George C. Scott, then that is a VFW voice.


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